Much of the time I can hardly bear the things that most people apparently find comforting, reassuring, or joyful:
1. Assurances of God's presence in times of turmoil.
2. Assurances about resurrection, how we will be all be reunited, etc., regardless of theology of same.
3. Assurances that light can be found in the dark.
4. Valentine's renewal of wedding vows.
5. Weddings, new babies, anything that reminds me that the young man I love found himself on a path that precluded that all we had hoped for and dreamed of for him.
6. Actually, now that I think of it, confirmation or assurance of just about anything at all.
I think I get it. The completely destructive, upside-down-and-inside-out nature of a child's death by suicide simply eradicates all familiar terrain and brings into question absolutely everything.
Sometimes I feel like I spend almost all of my time crossing very thin ice ~ the exceptions being the times when I crash through into very deep and icy water.
I am glad ~ really ~ that other people find comfort in all those things that usually offer it to one degree or another. But seriously ~ please don't assume that your experience or conviction is applicable to mine.
(Yeah, it's been a rough few days.)