Monday, February 01, 2010

My Day

Got up and did a little work on a paper. It's a make-up for the midterm I simply could not prepare for two weeks ago.

Went to see the senior pastor at my field ed church. He says I seem a good deal "lighter" than I have for the past few weeks. Hmmm. Quiet Husband in and out of hospital, high school girl's funeral, father-in-law's funeral, ords, and now a friend is dying. I wonder what "lighter" looks like.

Ran some errands. Stopped to see the friend and his daughters, one of whom is one of the Lovely Daughter's BFFs since first grade. She has been coming home from DC every week-end and this time is staying into the week. The other daughter has been home from New Haven for two weeks. Life is complicated over there.

I liked it better when the girls were all little Montessori kids.

I need to pack and drive to seminary and finish that paper. I need to read several particularly depressing Calvin chapters. I need to think about Sunday's sermon.

I am having more of a reality than a denial day. Sucks.

I love what Karen said in the comments about needing to switch the channel back to denial after short periods of reality. I think I need to kick the damn set across the room.

9 comments:

Quotidian Grace said...

Bet the weather doesn't help, either. So sorry GG!

Karen said...

Always find it interesting what others perceive. Your field pastor saying you look lighter, when actually the weight of the world is on you, and there's sorrow on every hand right now. Could make one feel alone and misunderstood and all the more weighed down. It is a very lonely journey, but it helps to say it, write it, and know there are others who get it. That's why I need you and the others. We're here for you, too.

Gannet Girl said...

Well, now that the day is almost over, the sun has come out.

August said...

Well wishes for the Quiet Husband. (and everything else.)

Cynthia said...

You're in my prayers.

karen gerstenberger said...

I can so relate to what you said about preferring the Montessori days. I just had a huge, blowout cry last night, longing for our old life as a foursome. It was such a beautiful life, and I miss it; I miss Katie, I miss our foursomeness, I miss the joy we shared. I just miss it all.

Some days the memories are sweet, but some days they hurt like hell.

God bless you as you take all of this that is in front of you, one breath at a time. I wish I could take your pain away, but it seems I can't. I can just be "present" (even from far away) and send love.

Stratoz said...

maybe you did look lighter.

hmmmmm

peace

Carol said...

You continue in my thoughts, GG. So much on your plate and in your heart.
Perhaps the "lightness" to which the pastor referred has to do with some of the new perspective you've discussed briefly. Maybe it's showing outwardly even though you're dealing with so much pain inside. That could be seen as a positive step in your professional development. I'm thinking about therapists in particular who, regardless of what's going on in their personal world, must remain objective and even keeled. Is that possibly what the pastor is seeing in you?

Rev SS said...

"Love .. the finer gift" ... so much joy and so much pain included in that word ...