OK, I give in. I am going to have to go and see an actual real live doctor in person. Probably more than one of them, and none of them will be Christina or McDreamy. I am just emerging from another 36 hour bout of the let-me-die-soon-and-get-this-over-with intestinal scourges. I cannot for the life of me figure out what is going on, but this makes three times in the last eight months that my usually ridiculously energetic self has been completely flattened and limited in its travels to the fifteen feet or so between bed and toilet.
On the plus side, I learned that the intricacies of AP testing can be managed entirely without me (well, almost -- there were only four or five carefully timed phone calls: the answer sheets go there, the pink and green sheets go there, the sealed test booklets go there, the little white booklets go there, and NO THEY MAY NOT LEAVE THE ROOM), and that the Lovely Daughter is utterly calm and competent (Sweetie, I am reaching a stage of complete dehydration-induced loopiness and I think you'd better go get some Pedialite, and while you're at it, you need to find my insurance card because I might have to go to the ER again).
On the negative side, I watched part of the 20/20 show last night on The Power of Faith, which served to remind me why I watch such shows only when I am too sick for other options. Will someone tell me why Diane Sawyer, who seems like a perfectly intelligent person, becomes so breathlessly incredulous and utterly loopy herself when asking questions about life choices outside her own realm of experience? The only explanation I can come up with is that she, too, was suffering post-intestinal flu dehydration and, therefore, should not have attempted anything requiring normal brain function.
My plans for today involve something highly ambitious, like taking a shower. And staying away from the television.